[cheap]

The mental gymnastics and backflips are if anything priceless:

1. China tells WHO there is little risk of person to person transmission (fact January 14)
2. Wuhan virus, officially recognized by WHO as COVID-19 (yes it did originate in China in 2019)
3. WHO, everything is OK and under control, as Virus spreads across the globe
4. In the global pandemic race, Australia wins by declaring a pandemic before WHO
5. We declared a pandemic first, and we've had 2 weeks head start
6. No need to close borders = borders closed
7. I'm off to the footy, but not tonight
8. AR, AFL, NRL, Festivals (just about everyone) seeking government bailouts
9. No cash handouts, as cash handouts being discussed
10. Let's have the all the NRL teams move to FNQ
11. Relying on the best medical advice, CMO "Australian's should prepare for the virus to spread" (and GovCo can't understand why people are panicking) Cognitive Issues perhaps?
12. Everything is under control = this could take 6 months to resolve
13. Rush on TP, no need to worry amply supply, working 24x7x365, weeks later still no TP supply
14. Groups of less than 500 people are perfectly Ok and safe (does this mean the virus cannot count beyond 499?), but groups of 100 people are safer
15. Social Distantancing, 1.5-metre distancing is OK, which now becomes 1 person per 4 square meters (at least Australia has sufficient land area, and luckily my house meets the new criteria, suggested wife sleep outside)
16. Don't listen to social media, only listen to GovCo
17. Sunrise Channel 7: Is hand sanitiser better than soap?
18. Just wash your hands!
19. We're flattening the curve, maybe they'll take the bumps out of our roads next?
20. No need to panic = cops in the supermarkets
21. Hoarding is un-Australian, and we're going to get you
22. $750 million rescue package for the Airlines - the next day Qantas sacks (sorry stands down) most of its workforce
23. Schools will stay open they're safe because Singapore says so (I guess the UK and most of the world doesn't trust Singapore?)
24. Tasmania closes its borders, succession from the Commonwealth is next objective
25. Qld Government votes itself a break for 6 months (full pay off course)
26. Courts close, criminals rejoice
27. Overseas illicit drug supply in disarray, now facing ruin because international flights have stopped
28. Racist to call it the Chinese Coronavirus, what does that mean for a "Boston Steamer"?
29. RBA, rates become 0.50%, then 0.25% do I hear 0.00%?
30. Massive fines for breaching self-isolation, potential new revenue stream for the states
31. The world's eyes are on Tom Hanks, he recovers and is now forgotten about

It's been very busy, and we've only just started!