[Sourbastard]

Red Telstar Owners Syndrome
Psychological Requirements:
Inferiority Complex
Lower then average intelligence

Symptoms:
Delusional Traits -
You believe your vehicle to be secure from theft.
You believe that telling everyone else that their car looks great will generate a return compliment.
You honestly believe its a Ford, not a Mazda.
You believe you will one day join the Police, but more likely will only ever wear the Proud and Honoured uniform provided by Safeway.
You think that others suffering from 4 Cylinder Ford Owners Syndrome actually count you as one of them.... when they dont

Hallucinations -
Sometimes you are surrounded by friends and loving family. Heh....
You sometimes witness the Telstar reach 110kph.
Everynow and then, you make important statements.

Physical Traits -
An abiliy to turn invisable so as to be able see and talk about events that have happened, with explicit knowledge, while giving the impression of never actually attending said event
A large bottom lip to stop the drool from hitting your keyboard as you dream of owning a real car while steadfastly defending your decision to buy the Telstar to all who will listen.

Treatment
Incurable Disease.

Prognosis
As this syndrome is incurable, the only prognosis can be negative. The most anyone around the patient can hope for is a long painful death, preferrably involving a Transexual, a Length of Steel Pipe, and a Garter Belt.