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Old 03-01-2006, 05:06 PM   #61
Des
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1. My uncle gave me the lead to a Hillman Hunter he owned years ago and asked me to stick my finger over the end and tell him if it was sucking in air when he kicked it over....Him and my old-man were in tears with the results.
2. Off topic slightly. I was firing up the power to the 4.5 inch gun turret at the Naval Gunnery Range when the main switch (440 volt 60Hz) distribution box door wouldn't stay open. So I held it with one hand and flicked the switch. So what? The power is grounded through the distribution board. You wouldn't believe how much adrenalin flows through after that "little" shock!
3. When I was 15, an older mate and I put some oil into his HQ. The level kept dropping, so we filled it up until you could see it from the rocker cover. It was blowing some smoke, so we took it back to his old-man to ask what he thought the problem was....
4. Opening the bonnet on the BA with the wipers "up". Nice little scratch that really impressed me.
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Old 03-01-2006, 05:08 PM   #62
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Years ago, I fitted a set of Mickey Thompson N50 indy profiles to the rear of my XRGT. Anyhow, they rubbed pretty bad on the wheel arch lip!... Easy fix, jack her up, wheels off & go to work with the mash hammer. So, car is up on stands, I'm sitting on my bum, legs under car, swinging away merrily,(towards me!), going great guns... Until I missed! and wore the full force right between the eyes!... It felt like a frigging Kenworth had headbutted me... Had 2 black eyes for weeks.
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Old 03-01-2006, 05:10 PM   #63
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a work mate recently chucked a spat at work and started waving a crow bar around like a raving lunatic argueing with him self . this guy looks like hitler in overalls. he ended up throwing the crow bar only to have it bounce off a tyre and reverse direction hit him in the forehead then he tried to walk away wobbling all over the place. fooken hilarios!!!!
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Old 03-01-2006, 05:10 PM   #64
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When I was 18 and with a careful blend of impatience and stupidity, I set a friends distributor points with a credit card as I didn't have a feeler gauge on me. Created quite a pretty flame out of the carby as a result.. twit.

The same year I also held the long distance record for shooting a tailshaft out of a gearbox while doing a burnout. Boy it was embarrasing having to walk back to go pick it up..:
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Old 03-01-2006, 05:10 PM   #65
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some funny reads
makes me feel better lol
ive had a few dramas and one day i started getting a ticking from torque converter in sync with the revs.....pulled over just to see if i could see anything...tried to to leave and the car wouldn't start.....im thinkin damn the starters motors fallen off...so i'm getting my work suit all greased up lookin for a partially dislodged starter motor..couldn't find anything....just about to call racq and realised i had left it in D DUH
second most stupid thing ive done was putting 5 lts of oil into my girls 13b that only needed a Lt...for some reason i went spastic and thought i was doing a full change.....next day i start it up and a cloud of smoke the size of australia enguldsmy street....so i drained it and bought mre oil
felt very stupid lol
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Old 03-01-2006, 05:36 PM   #66
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drove to a mates house after working on the car. got there and had to hit the brakes cause hit dawg ran in front of the car. heard this crash (metalicy kindof sound) then heard this weird metalic bang and something hit the bonnet.

red faced i shut the car off, opened the bonnet. id left my sidhrome set on the rocker cover (i dont know how it stayed there). i hit the breaks it went forward and emptied itself onto the road (the metalic crash sound) but one socket rolled forward and dropped into the fan and it hit the bonnet.

luckily all the bits were recovered as its dads socket set. i still cant beleive that 1) it made the 15 min drive without falling off on the road and 2) i recovered every tool.
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Old 03-01-2006, 05:40 PM   #67
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Thanatos
Leaving a screwdriver on the shocktower of my EA, driving to the shop to get something, get halfway there and the throttle is suddenly stuck at 2500rpm! Luckily the car is a manual so i could just put it in neutral and coast to a stop. Pop the bonnet, only to see the screwdriver wedged into the throttle linkage, holding it open at exactly 2500rpm.
Similar thing happened to me - but I didn't do it. Put my Alfa GTV6 in for a service, and the mechanic somehow left a rag in the airbox under the filter. Drove to a friends place for dinner later that night. Friend lived in a cul-de-sac. I gave the car a bootful coming into the street and the rag got sucked into the throttle, where it held the sucker WIDE OPEN. I was able to get the ignition turned off, stop the car, and avoid hitting the crash barrier at the end of the street, but jeez it was close. Mate thought it was hilarious...
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Old 03-01-2006, 06:11 PM   #68
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Started my new xa 351 fairmont GS up after a party at my mates house, only to the wost banging and clunking rotational noise you could imagine, shut it down,restarted it ,still clunkiing.only to find their cat stuck in the radiator shrould.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!BIG LOL
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Old 03-01-2006, 06:50 PM   #69
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[QUOTE=svo347]I really cant believe Im goin to admit to this but anyhow....

I carn't belive you admitted to that either ......... pure gold
Been laughen so hard it hurts .....
I"ve done so so much stupid stuff in shed , Most will never be told ...from setting fire to my 351 fairy ( who new carby kits didn"t have spare bits in em ) to arc welding spanners to alternators ,Dropping off jacks ext..ext Running over mates foot, the best that I will admit too was up grade to 240vlt lead light with 100 watt globe which in turn melted cover, no prob, just use it with out it, sounds harmless enough......... yeah rite......... Picture this 10pm 2 blokes flat on thier backs under Mini Cooper sitting on stands tryn to change speedo drive thingy 1hr later no luck (removing motor would have been a beter option ) 6ft 6 mate holding lead light cracks it giving motor one last almighty shove which inturn one stand parts company with its not to sucure mount , with car rocking on its last remaining stand he bales out the side pushing a very hot 100 watt globe into my forehead ware 20 years later you can still see a OSRAM 100 WATT imprint........ :SaiyanSmi
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Old 03-01-2006, 06:51 PM   #70
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After big stereo install job on AU XR8 ute which included moving engine management unit I went to start car and it wouldn't go. Forgot to ground the EMU...........
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Old 03-01-2006, 06:56 PM   #71
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leaving my 8month old 4wd half in half out of the garage and bending down to pick up a big heavy box, which in turn pushed the button on the garage door remote in my pocket, left a nice 2 inch wide scratch the entire width of the car !!

grinding back the brake caliper on my other 4wd on a damp and windy day to fit some mags over them, so every single piece of ground metal stuck to every bit of metal and glass on the car, which each in turn went a lovely speckled rusty colour on a white car!

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Old 03-01-2006, 07:03 PM   #72
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Got home from work, front end was loose. Turned out to be a sway bar link.
I was in my work shirt, didn't have anything to get changed into... car up on ramps, shirt off, crawled under.
I found the problem then saw my trans was leaking a bit so went further back... I was just on the way out and I touched the cat or trans pan with my chest, got it off quick enough.. don't think I'll do that again.
(Ghia5L has another version in his signature which was not worded the best on my part...)
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Old 03-01-2006, 07:25 PM   #73
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I just pay mechanics.

I hate working on cars.
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Old 03-01-2006, 07:33 PM   #74
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I broke a bolt from my valve cover, in the cylinder head. When I removed it, it was really rusty and broke, seems when they last replaced the gasket they put in a old one because all the others were fine, lucky for me it didn't brake off flush with the surface so it could come out easy.
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Old 03-01-2006, 07:43 PM   #75
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this one isnt one of mine but i thought you might like it

the other night i was sitting out the front having a cig (bad habit i need to get rid of ) and noticed one of my neighbours doing some work on his torago next thing i notice is he is looking under the wheel arch with the wheel off pushing and shoving it yep it fell off the jack lucky for him and he moved quick enough for him to get out of the way

lol

posties that have no mechanical knowledge shouldnt work on thier own cars

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Old 03-01-2006, 07:59 PM   #76
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This stuff has my sides hurting (rotfl).

I've done the usual things, like blowing on fuel fires on manifolds etc,

Think my worst was doing a quick pad change on my misses old magna years ago. Ended up spending 2 days trying to get calipers PRESSED in. Damn things would not budge found out they screw in ??? Back to a ten minute job. (worst thing was keeping this small detail quiet from the wife)

John
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Old 03-01-2006, 08:22 PM   #77
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Mate of mine replaced his front brake pads on his VS... Don't think he tightened his calipers though.... Front right caliper eventually jumped straight off the disc, and me and him spend an hour and a half walking up and down the road trying to find his nice new ebc green brake pads.
He also once lost his oil filter in a similar incident where once again, he forgot to tighten it.
I haven't done anything worth mentioning, except for stuff that has already been mentioned. Watch this space in future though. :
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Old 03-01-2006, 08:24 PM   #78
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About the silliest thing I did after overhauling the engine on my xf was forget to put the engine mount nuts on the bolts that holds the engine down. After about a month I was re-torquing the sump bolts and noticed the two bolts hanging about 4/5ths out of the mounts. I hate to think what would have happened if they had come completely out!

Another silly thing was a problem I used to have with a bad earth on a TC cortina throttle cable. This cable used to weld itself inside at WOT and the first time it happened i was going up hill and went to up shift and the revs shot up so i just killed the ignition. The second time i was upshifting as i entered a corner in the wet and the engine redlined when I put the clutch in, and instingtivly I dumped the clutch and killed the engine, which meant that i was suddenly sideways around a corner with the steering locked and oncoming cars! Luckily the brakes worked and the cars saw me out of control and could stop on time.

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Old 03-01-2006, 08:51 PM   #79
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1. My mate replaced a brake light globe with in indicator globe in his ea, funny thing was when u hit the brake pedal dash lights cam on... Right no problem but some how the car had dodgy wiring, and when the lights were on the engine wouldnt turn off...
That took some finiding to trace it to the globe :>


2. Years ago before i was a mechanic, me and my mates were lowering my cortina, had mate either side holding the stub axels, and i was sitting kinda under the car with the trolly jack bettween my legs on the cross memeber, i went to lower the car a little, but when i went to stop the jack i turned the handle the wrong way, the car came flying down nearly cutting my mates hands off who were holding the stub axels. and the front cross member landed on my legs. luckly the jack was high enuf to stop the car doing a proper job of it.

3. HAd the car on 4 car ramps, jacked the car up at the diff to remove the rear 2, and as im lowering the jack the front wheels roled down the front ramps, and the car kinda crushed me a lil against a wall

4. I use hoists now :>
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Old 03-01-2006, 08:54 PM   #80
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Lol, there was this guy at my auto class at school, his brakes were squealing so he put some oil on his discs.
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Old 03-01-2006, 09:05 PM   #81
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Years ago a mate bought a bathurst monaro which had been smashed in the front, anyway I was driving because he did not have a licence.
Anyway we think that it would be a good idea to put it through its paces.
Auto gearbox tramp it in first manual shift to second this thing is flying manual shift to third and a huge bang and the car stops.
Open the bonnet to find that the dissy cap had smashed against the firewall, next question was how could this be. well it apears in there wisdom GM only put 2 gears in there powerglide boxes : when I pushed to 3rd it jumped straight past neutral and in to reverse, with this we walked to the local servo and picked up a new dissy cap for it (when servo`s sold car parts and supermarkets only sold food).
Fit this up and off we go again (very mindful of it being a 2 speed)
We put it through its paces again only to have the bonnet fly open.
the bonnet was being held down with an elastic strap which did not appear to quite have enough strength to hold down the bonnet with a 350 at full noise.
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Old 03-01-2006, 09:26 PM   #82
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Malakai
A friend of a friend of mine changed the oil in his car and when it came time to put the new oil in he filled it to the brim. He had no idea about the dip stick. It takes quite a few bottles apparently. I couldn't stop laughing when I heard that one.
yeah i knew a bloke that did that. to a brand new calais.
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Old 03-01-2006, 09:27 PM   #83
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I shudder to recall and admit this, but I think I've done far and away the dumbest thing of anyone here. When I was young and stupid (I'm now much older, but many would say still stupid), I was fooling round with a 2-stroke dirt bike, and decided to drain the fluids. Transmission oil went into an already half-full plastic ice cream container, which I then topped up with premix (petrol / oil) from the tank. Moving the bike away, I relaised the container was now too full to move, and I didn't want to have to sit and wait for petrol to evaporate before my Dad got home (this was in the middle of his garage).

So, in a brainwave I can only look back in bewilderment and describe as a form of virtual instantaneous lobotomy, I decided to burn off the petrol and lower the level ...

Of course, the petrol caught, then the oil caught, and the plastic container melted, leaving a burning pool of oil spreading slowly across the concrete floor.

The brain somehow kicked back into gear, and I managed to beat out the flames (up around 7-8 feet as I recall) with a sack. That was not before the beams got charred, the fireproof paper of some sort under the tin roof burnt out, and my mother called the Fire Brigade.

Eventually the insurance company repaired the garage, my father's pride and joy that he built with his own sweat, and I don't think I've ever (justifiably) felt like more of an imbecile.

There has been other dumb sh.t over the years, but nothing that came even remotely close to that bit of almost-natural-selection.

Cheers in a bright shade of red,
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Old 03-01-2006, 09:28 PM   #84
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brings back memories, i just bought a mickey mouse 289 xr falcon did the right thing go over the car check and tighten every nut and bolt hose etc, went to show it off too a mate, pliers i left on the air cleaner hit fan and took out the radiator i think i managed to crack both heads in the process as well. another day same car, doing axle bearings removed the old ones fitted bearings ,bearing retainers forgot to fit retaining plates , ok start again, in my younger days playing mechanic with my mate (15 yo) had the old mans lowered eh holden jacked up we were under neath the car when it rolled off the jack we were skinny in those days just missed us,........... ok 1 more i tipped over my engine while putting it back into a kenworth after just spending a month rebuilding it,............. one more, my mate while on holiday somewhere in his mq patrol with his family got a grinding noise from his front brakes stopped in a town bought new pads ,fitted them while he was in a caravan park ,he put the pads in backwards and drove back to melbourne , yep had two buy new pads again and 2 new discs, next please.
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Old 03-01-2006, 09:47 PM   #85
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Jacking up a TE Cortina to do front brake pads, used a hydraulic jack with about the diameter of a 10 cent piece. Missed the jacking point, almost had the car up when the shaft of the jack disappeared into the door sill with a heck of a bang...filled the hole up with putty & covered it with duct tape to get it through rego for the next year or two.
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Old 03-01-2006, 10:44 PM   #86
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Ok this is actually of another mechanic I once worked with a couple of years ago.

He was doing a normal service on a Magna. After draining the oil and doing the filter he forgot to fill it back up with new oil. Another part of the job was to carry out a throttle body service, so he started the car up and was standing there spraying throttle body cleaner into the TB while practically redlining the engine. After about 5 minutes and a few questions from other mechanics asking if he had oil in it(coz it sounded like a tractor) he decided to check the oil and realised there was none in it. Now the funny thing is he put oil in it and put it out the front for the customer to pick up. Service manager checked the car and the motor was basically destroyed. Had to rebuild the motor for free. As you can imagine the mechanic lost his job.

I've only had a couple that I can remember I did. Done 4 tyres on a car once and somehow it came back with 3 blowouts : apparently from the way i fitted them. I also left a spanner on a brake caliper. The customer came back the next day coz they had no brake pedal. The spanner had undone the bleeder.
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Old 03-01-2006, 10:49 PM   #87
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Rebuilding a N12 Pulsar gearbox with N13 gearbox in the N12 casing. Overlooked changing over a 4mm shim. It drove for about a km before trying to downshift causing the gears to misalign and smash into the next gearsets.
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Old 03-01-2006, 11:23 PM   #88
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My then 1 and a half year old daughter used to like jumping on the driver's seat and playing with the steering wheel. Wasn't paying too much attention to her on one particular day, then I noticed the seat was all wet, and she had a big grin on her face... and no nappy.

Or changing the wheel on my RX7 after my then girlfriend drove it into a gutter and blew the tyre. Instead of running the spare on the front, I put the space saver on the rear and ran the rear wheel on the front. Driving home, the wheel nuts kept on unscrewing themselves on the front... Turns out the mags had a little centre piece to help align the rim on the hub. One stayed on the front hub. The rear wheel, the centre piece came out with the rim. Two together is a no go.... But I learned that ford rims fit the S4 RX7 (and an LTD rim was all I could find as a longer term replacement whilst the damaged rim was repaired), so if you ever need a space saver rim for a falcon, get one off a S4 RX7.
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Old 04-01-2006, 01:28 AM   #89
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aimzes
yeah i knew a bloke that did that. to a brand new calais.
Was at a servo once in Geelong when a Laser, early model, drove in, blonde female driving. She couldn't work out why she was blowing so much smoke. Some quick questions and we realised she had filled oil to the brim...
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Old 04-01-2006, 10:23 AM   #90
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My first car, a Mk1 Escort 1300, had its motor reconditioned soon after I bought it. My dad, the wealth of all automotive knowledge, put the motor back together when we brought it back from the machinists. As most here would know, the old Kent motor had a strange firing order:1243. Dad in his wisdom put the ignition leads on a conventional 1342 like most 4 cylinders. When it was time to start the motor up, it kept missing and farting and Dad kept stratching his head why it was doing this. He called over his mate, Guru. I watched my dad and his mate Guru try everything to get the esky going again. Guru then said, "Ahh it just needs some aerostart to get it going." While the old man cranked the motor over, his mate Guru sprayed some WD into the throat of the carby. An almighty blue flame exploded from the carby and a fireball engulfed Guru's head. His hair caught on fire, his eyelashes and eyebrows were all singed but suffered only a burnt ego.

Guru came back a few days later with a gregorys with the correct firing order.
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1999 Range Rover 4.6 V8. Soon to have a new blue oval bent eight.
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